Friday, January 11, 2013

Thanks, Liars

When I was pregnant with my third child, my intuition told me that I was carrying a boy. At 21 weeks along, my suspicions were confirmed: It's was a boy! My baby boy, Miles was born later that year on August 31. Yea!

Not yea, guys! Not! Yea!

All of you been there/done that moms who told me from week 22 until delivery, "Oh boys are SO much easier than girls!" - we're fighting now. That's your warning - you and me, we're fighting.

Boys are SO bad!  Had you valued this friendship you would've been honest and said, "Oh you're having a boy? Aw, sorry in advance for all of the trouble he's going to cause. Buy a bullhorn."

And before you can blame it on the Terrible Twos, no. Hold that thought because I have two daughters, and they were (in Mar's case, ARE) terrible at 4. Two was a breeze with the girls. I think with boys it should be something to describe an entire childhood. Something like... Terrible From 1 to 21. And destructive. And stubborn as hell.

Let's talk about all of the things he's done to turn my hair gray this week...
  • Miles tried to shave the puppy with electric clippers. I walked in to find him sitting on her, clippers buzzing away right above her shoulders. 
  • Miles mashed grapes into the carpet one day. Apples one day. Crackers one day. Cookies one day. You catch me? Kid likes to mash.
  • Miles doesn't hit when he's mad. He prefers to throw things at you and the little shit has a good aim. This week, he beaned Mia upside the head with a plastic Caillou doll and if memory serves, Boo got a Furby across the cheek.
  • Miles pours constantly and he's horrible at it. He really likes pour directly onto the floor. I really hate that - though not as much as I hate when he pours something directly into MY bed.
  • Miles colors on freaking everything. Using everything. Lipstick on the kitchen floor. Sharpie on the table. Tomato soup on the stack of mail. If it'll smear or make a mark, hide yo kids, hide yo wife!
As soon as I turn my back - BAM! - he's into something else and when I ask (like a dummy) "Who did this?!", and he says "Puppy!" See that? He even attempts to place the blame on an innocent bystander who can't even defend herself! 

Yes, because a wiener dog is fully capable of shoving a Matchbox car down the sink drain.

He made a Capri Sun geyser. Then proceeded to Hoover it off of the floor.
Needless to say, each time I catch him red-handed I threaten to cut his hair and he absolutely freaks out.  That haircut is definitely happening this weekend. I'm hoping for pictures, but I can't make any promises on actually getting any. It's really hard to hold a comb, scissors, and a squirming 2 year old all while taking photos.

*****

And...the winner of the Sleek Glitz earring giveaway is... Sk8mom75! (I can't figure out how to screen shot on this laptop. Well, I can screen shot, but I can't figure out how to get to the paint program. I hate technology...)

Anywho...Congratulations to you comment #1! Please email me at jennifer.palis@gmail.com to claim your prize!

Tomorrow will be my last Sleek Glitz giveaway for the week and it's an entire set! Happy Friday to ya!

(And, I tried to adjust the settings to leave comments. I heard a lot of you were having trouble getting your post to show up. Let me know if it's still being a pain and I'll cuss at it!)

9 comments:

  1. HELLO! Did you forget the brother you were raised with....You knew all the way down to your toes how rotten they can be. Boys are only cheaper to raise not easier! With that being said just like your brother, Miles has a smile that changes it all!

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  2. Bummer, I always thought boys were easier. Just comparing my neighbors daughters and my son. I think they gave you "The Little Shit" because they knew you have the hutzpah to handle him!

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  3. I have only had a boy,and I so remember things like this! He is 9 now, and still does things that constantly make me ask him "ARE YOU INSANE???"! LOL Things like putting the ceiling fan in his room on full speed, climbing on his bed and sticking whatever he can find into the fan because "it sounds cool"! One day I caught him just as he was about to jump from a chair to reach the ceiling fan in the living room because he wanted the fan to spin him around!!! You can't make this stuff up! LOL I feel your pain. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but just last night he used an entire bottle of bubbles-in my bedroom, in front of the fan, all over my bed! I asked why he hadn't done this in his room with his fan, he said "your room is cooler!"! I feel your pain!!!

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  4. Oh Jennifer, just wait they get soooo much better (sneakier) with age! They definately keep things entertaining...gotta love em!! Good luck super mom!
    Jenni Douglass

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  5. Christ, I'm glad I have 3 girls. Wait. Did I just say that? Out loud? I need a drink.

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  6. You forgot to mention how he shared his yogurt with the dog first in the dish and then on the dog, that's why the dog needs a bath! but i agree all the kids smiles change the situation from Mia to Miles

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  7. Yesterday, on the way home from his bother's therapy, I stopped at McDonald's for a chocolate shake to reward Colby for his good behavior. By the time we got home, he had "painted" his window with the straw, making an ice cream masterpiece that ran down the door. He was very proud.

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  8. I take comfort in knowing that ALL boys are terrors! LOL

    And... the previous comment from Jennifer Palis was in fact Chris Palis. He's the one who allowed the yogurt painting. Not me!

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  9. One of my brothers ate dog food. The other told me there was no Santa. Now, my three sons pee on anything that's not moving.

    I feel your pain.

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